Monday, February 22, 2010

The Walmart Chronicles

We have had a few adventures at Walmart lately.  I honestly shop at Walmart about once a month.  This month I went twice and I paid dearly for it.

I took all three kids to Walmart because we needed groceries and non grocery items and I wasn't in the mood to buckle everyone up, unbuckle everyn, unload the kids from the minivan, shop with the kid, load the kids back into the van, buckle the kids into their car seats, drive, unbuckle the kids from their car seats, unload the kids from the minivan, shop with the kids again, load the kids into the minivan again, buckle them in get the idea (aka: haul all three kids to two stores)

So we had a very successful trip, the big kids rode on the side of the cart and Molly was ok with sitting in the seat of the cart.  We played "find the food" and "all aboard (the cart is ready to move)" and filled the cart to the top with much needed items.  We were almost done, in the very back at the milk and orange juice.  I opened the refrigerator door to get out some orange juice and hit Marlin in the head with the door.  It didn't feel like I hit him that hard.  I didn't even turn around to look at him until I had reached in to get the orange juice.  When I turned around he was holding his forehead and crying.  Blood was running down his face.  It did not look good. 

Then the chaos hit...

Alivia saw the blood (that Marlin was un aware of at this point)  Alivia screamed and panicked and started freaking out. 

Molly decided that there was a lot going on and she was missing it so she didn't want to be in the cart anymore and started screaming to get out. 

I needed something to wipe the blood off so I could decide if this was a bandaid emergency or a stiches emergency.  I was thinking it would be stiches.  So I pulled the cart with Molly screaming and arching her back, Alivia freaking out and Marlin crying with blood all over his face and hand down the isles to the bathroom area where I ran into a Walmart employee who ran to get me a first aid kit.  As we were headed to the bathroom I remember thinking "even if we have to go to the hospital, I am buying this stuff first because I am not taking all the kids back here to do this shopping trip again."  I'm such an ass but hey, I have three kids.  If it would have been my first or second trip to the emergency room I would have probably skipped the check out lane. 

Once we got the blood cleared away I saw that we did not need stitches.  I thanked the lady for her help and her tiny bandage and I hauled our circus to the first aid supply isle.  We sat down in the middle of the isle and opened antibiotic cream, butterfly bandages and spiderman band aids and fixed my little man right up.  No problemo.  Did I listen to the Karma gods and stay away from Walmart?  Nope

The next week we returned to walmart where we needed to buy some non grocery items.  We were in the toothpaste isle.  Everyone was picking out  new toothbrushes and new toothpaste.  I decided to try the blue mouthwash for kids.  The idea is that you rinse before you brush and then you have to brush the blue off your teeth.   Brilliant (btw the bottle is still full and in my bathroom if anyone wants it).  So as we walked along Molly was riding in the back of the cart and throwing things out of the cart.  No big deal, the big kids pick the things up and it keeps them all entertained.  Then she threw the blue dye mouthwash out of the cart and everything started moving in slow motion. 

As the bottle hit the floor I saw it split open and start glugging blue dye into an enormous puddle on the floor.  At that exact moment Marlin was stepping forward and he stepped into it, slipped around for quite some time and landed face down in the puddle.  It was on his face, his sweater and his tan pants.  Marlin was crying, Molly was laughing and Alivia was freaking out because she thought we would be in trouble.  I thought that too but I didn't care.  I was hoping someone would notice and help but they didn't so I dragged the crying blue Marlin to the laundry detergent isle and sprayed him down with Shout stain remover.  I needed to buy some more stain remover anyway. 

I threw the stain remover in the cart and headed to the check out lane.  On our way there I passed an employee that  noticed my blue child and I said "we made a mess in the mouthwash isle, you might want to check it out" and then I jsut kept on walking.  I have not been back to the store since.  I'm not sure they will let us back in. 

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